“Hey girl I gotta be honest
Truth is all I really want is
Someone who knows who they are
Beauty found inside her heart
I want her to be modest
That kind of girl is hottest
A lady living for the Lord
Just so you know
That’s what I’m looking for”
I cannot stop listening to this song, it has touched me in a *huge* way. I have struggled with my self image for a long time, I thought that I wasn’t beautiful, that I was just plain, and dare I say, I often felt ugly. And, because I felt this way, I would dress and act in ways that are immodest. Seeing my own beauty is hard, and when I got into a relationship (Which is wonderful by the way) I started feeling even more insecure. I started feeling like, why is he with me? There are other girls that he knows that are way prettier than me.
Those thoughts filled my head, but I didn’t let them all show. But as I became closer to Charming (Boyfriend’s Nickname :p haha) the walls that I had placed and built came down. I used to *never* show my face if I didn’t have make-up on, but in time, I would video chat with him and I wouldn’t have make-up on. And behold, he said that I looked beautiful without the make-up.
Being in a relationship has taught me that I need to love myself for who I am before I can love another. Now, I’m not talking about being vain, no. What I am saying is accepting the flaws that I have, and maybe just maybe, loving the flaws so much that they no longer are flaws, that they are something that I couldn’t live without.
When I loved myself, I loved God more. Accepting my flaws meant that I was accepting the way God made me, and thus, I love him more. I confess, there have been many times that I was *very* upset with the Lord (for reasons I wish not to share at this point in time) But as I go through life I cannot deny him, God is too great and wonderful to deny. He has done so much in my life, he has clearly placed his hand on me. I cannot and will not deny my God.
Living for God has looked different over the years. Sometimes it is quiet, moving silently and creeping into the lives of many. Other times it is with a burning passion, a loud forceful passion that cannot be contained. The burning passion one tends to scare people more, and I don’t want to do that, but the love I have for Christ cannot be silenced. I will die for him if the need be, for he died for me, what more could I do?